Emails to my Colleagues: Part 1. The Fridge.

From: JesterNoir
Sent: [Date Redacted] Early December 2014
To: Level 3.
Subject: Level 3 Fridge.

Hi everyone,
I did a bit of a fridge clean today;
I figured that if you hadn’t noticed when your drink went off in December 2012, you probably wouldn’t miss it all that much.


Special mentions also go to the green bread and ham (circa 2013), the bag with the brand new empty lunchbox in it, the open can of Pepsi that had been there so long the liquid had condensed down to a solid, and the open meat something with the rotten receipt for August 2013.
(The lunchboxes, one empty, one with mouldy something in it, are on the bench faithfully waiting for the owners to come claim them.)

Can you please go through the fridge and remove anything of yours before the holidays, we’ll completely empty the fridge over Christmas of anything that’s left so if it’s worth keeping you may wish to take it home.

Thanks,
JesterNoir

Not our actual work fridge.
Not our actual work fridge.

From: JesterNoir
Sent: [Date Redacted] Early January 2015
To: Level 3.
Subject: Level 3 Fridge.

Hello to anyone who is in the office this week, just a final warning to take anything of yours out of the fridge before I empty and disinfect it tomorrow afternoon around 2pm.

FAQ:
Q:But what about my butter and condiments? It’s only a couple of months out of date, that’s practically new!
A: Everything that’s still in the fridge by 2pm is being thrown out, even your ‘fresh’ rancid butter is going in the bin.

Q: What are you going to do with the lunchboxes?
A: Lunchboxes will be emptied of their fungal gardens and put in the dishwasher. Please either collect yours from the dishwasher or brave the kitchen cupboards next week to find them.

Q: But my lunch is in there, I bought it this morning!
A: Everything in there at 2pm will be thrown out. Everything. Feel free to take it out beforehand and/or come help me and ensure that your precious delicacies are saved from the bin.

Q: Would you like some help?
A: Yes please.

Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas free from food poisoning,
JesterNoir

Update:   I’m not going to tell you what unspeakable horrors were in the fridge. Because they were unspeakable. I will tell you that there was a jar of dirt in the fridge. An actual jar of dirt. Apparently it was a soil sample.

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