Boys to Men: choosing fatherhood in a society that shames caring

Some muses on adulthood and parenting today.

The right to choose is crucial to the personhood of men. The right to choose has to mean not only the right to choose not to bring a child into the world…but also the right to have a child, joyously, without paying the price of isolation from the world if you would rather be a full time father than enter the usual rewarded occupations.

In a society that shames caring, where some little boys are still encouraged not to play with dolls, what message are we actually giving?

Continue reading Boys to Men: choosing fatherhood in a society that shames caring

Adulting Redefined: a community redefining what it means to be an adult.

Do you like to do things your own way?
Feel like you’re not an ‘Adult’ even though you left you ‘teenage-hood’ behind years ago?
Or:
Feel like you’re definitely an ‘Adult,’ but ‘adulting’ means something different to what your parents said it meant?

Are you actually just ‘adulting alternatively’ with/without realising it?

Adulting alternatively

I’d love to hear from people who challenge the paradigm and want to encourage others to do the same. People who have tips to share, or questions for other who might be able to help. People who are finding their way as an ‘Adult,’ people who have this thing down pat (their way) or people who are ‘Adults’ but don’t quite fit the mold.  Or people who are currently ‘mainstream’ but want to try something new, because let’s face it:  we’ll all still be in the process of growing up till we die, even though we’re ‘grown ups,’ and can all benefit from a little help, and by helping others.

I’d love you to join in creating a community redefining what it means to be an adult.  I’m looking for creators to write articles, share opinions, photos or blog posts. DIYs and how to’s.  Interpretive dance and alternative ways of life.  Quirky cutlery and toasters shaped like a sloth.

Jump in the comments below or send me a message on facebook and lets start a revolution!

Emails to my colleagues: Part 2. The Freezer.

From: JesterNoir
Sent: [Date Redacted
To: Level 3.
Subject: Level 3 Freezer.

Hello,
It’s you friendly neighbourhood level 3 fridge fairy here with a confession:
Stories of my Tetris prowess have been vastly exaggerated.
I know, I know, this might come as a shock to some, but it’s true. I’m not actually that good at Tetris. Fair to middling at best. I mean, for a while sure, I was practicing every day and actually got pretty good, but it’s been too long and I just need to accept that my skills aren’t what they used to be.

Why am I playing Tetris at work, you might ask? Or at least, my manager is going to be at my desk in about 30 seconds after I send out this email asking me that exact question. So before you stand up, Jonathan, the answer is simple: Bread.
The freezer is full of bread.
You know when you’ve reached faster levels in Tetris and you’ve got your lines all set up waiting for the right piece to slot in and wipe the board, but the piece you want never comes so you build up the rows higher and higher till nothing else can fit in? Yeah. That’s the state of our freezer. But instead of Tetris pieces, we have bread. Loaves and loaves of different types of bread. Fitting my lunch box into the freezer has become a daily game of Tetris.

Given that we now have an influx of new people on our level (Hi, new people!), let’s do a bit of a clean out, so we all have space for frozen comestibles.
New board, new level, wiped clean and ready to be filled to the brim with next year’s old food.

“Get to the point!” I hear you cry. Fine, but you’re ruining the suspense:

On [Date Redacted] 3pm, I’m emptying out the freezer.

FAQ:
-Are you just getting rid of the bread?
                  -Nope. Everything is going. The ice packs can stay, but pretty much everything else is either going into the bin, or in the unlikely event that it looks fresh, possibly the fridge.

-My food is in there! I put it in there this morning! Save my food!
Sure. Come join me in the clean out, save your food, and then if it’s still reasonably in date you can always put it back in after we’ve wiped the freezer clean.

 -My lunch box is worth a million dollars and was a gift from the prime minister of the Solomon Islands to my great grandmother and has great sentimental value!
-It’ll be emptied of its decade old icicles and go in the dish washer. Find it in there, or in the cupboard where all the spare/found lunch boxes go.

-Can I get my stuff out sooner than that?
-Yes, that’s why I’m giving you so much warning. In fact, do me a favour and go have a look in the freezer today and see if there’s anything you recognise. Maybe you’ll find your long lost friend hidden amongst the ice.

-Would you like help?
-Yes please! Guaranteed that this will be a lot less smelly than the fridge cleanout and a lot quicker as there’s less to clean out. Though, sadly, I’m anticipating less surprises (I’m still in shock from finding that sealed jar of dirt in the fridge last year)

Hope you’re all having a great day, with tasty lunches made from all the frozen bread that you’ve now taken out of the freezer,

JesterNoir.

From: JesterNoir
Sent: [Date Redacted
To: Level 3.
Subject: Level 3 Freezer Episode II: The reminder.

Hello,
Just a reminder that tomorrow afternoon all that you hold most precious and dear will be gone… from the freezer.

Please collect anything that you wish to save from the clutches of the bin before I descend upon it with a cathartic, but somewhat questionable, vigour at 3pm.

As always, help would be appreciated, if only to have someone else that I can share the exclamations of “What on earth is this?!?” with.

JesterNoir

From: JesterNoir
Sent: [Date Redacted
To: Level 3.
Subject: Level 3 Freezer Episode II: The reminder.

People, this is a gastronomically based crisis.

There is ice cream in the freezer.

Chocolate ice cream. (Sure, it might be labelled ‘nutrition station,’ but that’s fooling no one.)

There’s a special level of hell reserved for people who talk in theatres, and people who throw out ice cream.
Don’t make me do it.
Everything in the freezer is on the bench.

You’ve got 10 minutes.

Anything left on the bench after that will either be thrown out, or if it looks presentable (i.e. bought) I’ll take it down to the Youth Centre down the street.

Please, don’t make me commit this heinous crime.

JesterNoir

From: JesterNoir
Sent: [Date Redacted
To: Level 3.
Subject: Level 3 Freezer Episode III: The Aftermath.

Hello fellow frozen food aficionados,

The freezer clean out went off without a hitch last Friday, answering once and for all that age-old question: Can Glen 20 freeze?

Yes. Yes it can.

Thank you to everyone who graciously donated their unwanted frozen meals to the youth centre, they were very, very thankful for your donation.

The Youth Centre does amazing work with young people in our region, and donations like these are sometimes the only food some people can get at late notice, so if you have any frozen or non-perishable food items, especially meals, instead of leaving them in our freezer until it gets to Tetris levels, please consider donating them to the youth centre, or give them to me and I’ll walk them over.

For more details on what they do, head over to their website: [redacted].

A reminder that if you’re looking for your heirloom, gold-plated lunchboxes please check the cupboard next to the dishwasher.

Until next time!

JesterNoir

P.S. Yes, these are actual emails I sent at work. Have you ever sent an email like this or had one sent to you? Let me know in the comments.

Adulting: 10 Virtues To Live By.

1. Resilience: Keeping going even when things are looking dark.

2. Empathy: The capacity to connect imaginatively with the sufferings and unique experiences of another person.

3. Patience: We should grow calmer and more forgiving by being more realistic about how things actually happen.

4. Sacrifice: We won’t ever manage to raise a family, love someone else or save the planet if we don’t keep up with the art of sacrifice.

5. Politeness: Politeness is closely linked to tolerance; the capacity to live alongside people whom one will never agree with, but at the same time, cannot avoid.

6. Humour: Like anger, humour springs from disappointment, but it is disappointment optimally channeled.

7. Self-awareness: To know oneself is to try not to blame others for one’s troubles and moods; to have a sense of what’s going on inside oneself, and what actually belongs to the world.

8. Forgiveness: It’s recognising that living with others is not possible without excusing errors.

9. Hope: Pessimism is not necessarily deep, nor optimism shallow.

10. Confidence: Confidence is not arrogance – rather, it is based on a constant awareness of how short life is and how little we will ultimately lose from risking everything.

 

Have a virtuous life, Darklings.

JesterNoir.

Adult Goth: Being Sick Sucks, so look after yourself like an adult.

Being Sick Sucks.

When you’re a kid, you’ve people to look after you, but when you’re an adult living on your own (or in my case, with a Gentleman who works during the day so isn’t around to bring me flat lemonade for lunch,) then it’s up to you to look after yourself.

Continue reading Adult Goth: Being Sick Sucks, so look after yourself like an adult.

Thrifty Goth: Last Minute Valentine’s Day Ideas, on a Budget.

It’s Valentine’s  Day.

Today.

Are you doing anything?

Want to?

You’ve only a few hours of the day left, so here’s some quick ideas for things you can do for your paramour,  yourself,  or a special spooky person in your life, to show your respect, love and appreciation… on a budget.

Continue reading Thrifty Goth: Last Minute Valentine’s Day Ideas, on a Budget.

Castle for Sale, but what’s inside?

Ever dreamed of owning your very own castle?
For many Australian Goths, like me, this has always been an impossible dream, but hold on to your parasols people: There’s one for sale!

Sunshine Coast Bli Bli Castle is for sale JesterNoir
And what a castle!

The advertisement describes it as:
“A stand out landmark in this location this Norman style Castle, with medieval additions, complete with moat, turrets, towers and drawbridge is totally unique in Australia.” – The ‘For Sale’ ad.

Have a look at their page and you’ll see the usual span of propaganda images of families with their children happily pointing at nothing, outside panoramas and their ‘come have your wedding here’ photos, but nothing that shows you what’s inside.

Which leads me to the reason for our chat now…

Last year, I was honoured to be a part of my friend’s wedding, held at this exact castle.   It’s beautiful and so gorgeous.. but inside it’s unlike any other castle I’ve ever seen.  It’s odd that they don’t have photos on the ad of what’s actually inside, but once you see mine I guess you’ll understand why.

Whilst the bride and groom were having their photos taken after the wedding, we snuck off and explored the castle unaccompanied and unhindered.  So here’s what we found hidden inside…

Continue reading Castle for Sale, but what’s inside?

Octopus everything! 8 Cephalopods for your home.

I just adore Cephalopods.  Octopuses,  squid,  cuttlefish…  They’re all just brilliant.  Here’s a eight ways we can have octopus decor in our very own homes. SeeWhatIDidThere

Since I’m on a quest to customise my home to be anything but boring, I though I’d bring you along for the ride with the fun yet functional things I find.  Sometimes these will be affordable, sometimes not, sometimes it depends on what your definition of ‘affordable’ is and how far your purse strings go.  I’m saving to buy a home, so the answer for me is not very far, but a girl can dream and I can certainly peruse the beauties…

Let’s start at the front door…

Continue reading Octopus everything! 8 Cephalopods for your home.

Trick yourself into taking a ‘Mental Health Day,’ without feeling like a lazy slob.

I first heard of a ‘Mental Health Day’ from my last boss.  A college of mine was having a bad day at work, so my boss said that she’d rather my college took a day off and went to the beach instead of staying at work, being mentally elsewhere and getting nothing done.  That way they could come back the day after ‘refreshed and ready to work.’

I’ve been back at work a week.  A week. I can hardly believe that it’s only been a week.  My holidays were wonderful, but getting back to the daily grind has been a bit of a shock to the system.  I’m already feeling the effects of stress, so I’m preemptively taking a day to look after myself before the stress makes me sick.  Literally.  Of course there’s the temptation to go out and have fun and screw the consequences and lack of sleep, but growing up means learning to look after myself.  Sigh.

There is so much to do around my house though, so ‘Relaxing’ (With a capital ‘R’)  is difficult.  If I’m sitting round my house, I feel like I’m being lazy.  I need a sense of achievement to beat the blues, but whilst a day full of hard work makes me feel good, it sort of defeats the purpose of taking a day of rest.

So, after sleeping in and staying in bed till after midday, (Take that morning! I didn’t even see your face!) here’s what I’ve done to trick myself into taking a ‘rest’ day and ‘Relaxing.’

Continue reading Trick yourself into taking a ‘Mental Health Day,’ without feeling like a lazy slob.

The Morbid the Merrier. Join me on my journey to challenge and redefine what it means to be an 'Adult.'